Exclusive To JJD Readers! Sad Story of a Smoker.....Funny!

Monday, March 17, 2014

I just read this online and i think i should share it with you guy!
Please read it all and don't laugh too much guys.

I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my "friend". I had no idea he smoked weed, despite his suspicious movements and signature weed scent (abi na odour?).
Barely two weeks after moving in with him, my worst fears were confirmed as he started bringing home his weed smoking buddies and they would occasionally roll a wrap and smoke it right there in the room or mix the weed with beans or spaghetti.
Being a very curious person I always wondered what made them happy after smoking, so I decided to find out for myself (wrong move).
It was a very hot day in February, a Saturday I think it was, my friend was out as usual. I searched everywhere for his stash but couldn't find it so I decided to go and get mine.
I arrived the weed joint all sweaty and nervous, half expecting to get mugged but nobody seemed to be aware of my presence there, they were all on different planets all expect one I concluded that he must be the seller so I approached him and the following conversation ensued:
Me: how far?
Weed seller: I dey
Me: I wan buy weed
Weed seller: how many parcel?
Me: parcel ke? Iro oo, na just small i need
Weed seller: laughs really hard. bolo leleyi sha (meaning this guy is a dunce oo)
Apparently, a parcel of weed is that small wrap, I didn't know that. I thought it was something very large.
I gave him 1000naira and he gave me a tiny wrap of weed with a white paper, I was surprised when he gave me 950 as change. I couldn't believe weed was that cheap.
On my way home, I decided not to smoke it but mix it with beans because I thought that it will be better that way (another wrong move).
Long story short, I cooked beans and added the whole weed, ate it and called my friend, I told him ogbeni, I just ate weed oo and nothing happened to me this one that you people will eat and be feeling funky, I don chop am oo. My friend was like, ehen you be strong man oo.
I decided to take a quick nap before doing laundry, I woke up about 20 minutes later on the floor, I was banging my head on the floor, and I couldn't stop, my heart beat was so audible and fast, everything was extra bright and extra loud.
After a few minutes of head banging, I was able to get up from the floor,
I felt as if I had just gained access to a part of my mind that I never knew existed previously.
It was scary and cool at the same time. I could feel the blood flowing in my veins (you have to experience it to believe it. Though I strongly advise against it). I felt so uncomfortable in the room, it felt like I was in an oven.
Suddenly, a voice in my head wisphered ogbeni bo aso e joor (off your clothes), I obeyed. The voice came again oya sa re (now run). That was when I realized that the weed had taken effect, so I decided to take a shower to see if it will calm me down, but the water felt so hot on my skin so hot I ran out of the bathroom.
I called my friend to see if he could help me make sense of what was going on but he laughed at me, he asked me the quantity of weed I took and I told him I used a whole parcel, he said guyyyyy you don eff up! If you no sleep in the next 30mins, you go mad oo. Go chemist make you go explain yourself.
By this time things had escalated, I had a severe itch at the back of my head that wouldn't go away no matter how hard I scratched and I was convinced that the beating in my chest was an evil spirit that could only be killed with a punch.
I ran to my neighbor - Champion and told him, Champion e jo e fun mi lese laya(champion pls punch me in the chest). ti e ba gbami lese laya mo ma ku oo (if you don't punch me I will die oo).
He hissed and walked out having had enough of such nonsense from the boys in the boys quarters.
The voice in my head came again - iwo na o de gba ara e lese laya abi o ti fe ku ni (why don't you punch yourself in the chest or do you want to die?) I punched and punched but there was no difference.
The house was getting hotter, the voice in my head was getting louder, the itch in my head was getting worse, and the evil spirit in my chest was getting louder.
Then came the voice again - oya ma sare lo (start running). So I started running but on getting outside in the sun, I felt so cold I was shivering but that didn't stop me from running (I would have given Usain Bolt a run for his money on that day).
On getting to the chemist, i realized I was bare footed, I told him I had a severe headache I needed something to make me sleep immediately. He gave me the drug and I chewed it right there in his presence.
Next I asked him to give me a drug for evil spirit, that was when he realized something was wrong with me and chased me out.
I got back home and tried to sleep but my heart beat wouldn't let me, so I ran back out this time around to a nurse in the area, first thing she asked was - kilode o wo bata ni? (why don't you have your shoes on?
I told her Jackie Chan ti gba bata lowo mi (Jackie Chan collected my shoes). I was finally able to explain my situation to her and she took me in, tied something around my elbow and injected me directly in the vein.
I passed out immediately only to wake around 1 or 2am in the middle of the night with the worst kind of hunger I have ever felt in my life. I ate a whole loaf of butter field bread in one sitting without butter or tea.
I came home to a hero's welcome, my friend told me e be like say your head no carry am but e go better make you try am once more so you go dey use to it.
The following day while the house was empty, I packed my Ghana must go and like the prodigal son in the bible I went back home to my parents.
It's been a few years since that experience but the lesson I learnt is an unforgettable one. My curiosity hasn't gotten me in trouble again and my circle of friends have since changed

President Jonathan summons Interior Minister, Immigration boss

President Jonathan this morning summoned the Minister of Interior, Abba Moro and the Comptroller-General of the Nigerian Immigration Service, David Parradang, to explain last Saturday's unfortunate incident at the poorly organized NIS recruitment exercise where over ten people died during stampedes at various test centres.

The two ministers both arrived at the office of the Chief of Staff where they spent sometime before being invited into the President's office where they spent about 30mins. Both men declined to speak to reporters on their discussion with the President when they came out. Hopefully, someone will explain to us why the government would ask jobless youths to pay N1,000 to write employment test.

Nicole Scherzinger shows off her slim figure in leather joggers and a low-cut top as Lewis Hamilton denies engagement rumours

She's been at the centre of rumours of an engagement to Lewis Hamilton over the weekend.
But Nicole Scherzinger stayed silent on the claims as she headed out in London on Monday, instead letting the focus stay on her outfit.
The 35-year-old singer opted for a pair of leather-front jogging bottoms with a low-cut white top as she arrived at an office building for a meeting.
Monochrome chic: Nicole Scherzinger looked stylish in a white top and leather-front jogging bottoms as she headed out in London on Monday afternoon
Monochrome chic: Nicole Scherzinger looked stylish in a white top and leather-front jogging bottoms as she headed out in London on Monday afternoon

Slim and stylish: Nicole teamed her trousers with an Airtex-style jacket and pointed white heels
Slim and stylish: Nicole teamed her trousers with an Airtex-style jacket and pointed white heels
Slim and stylish: Nicole teamed her trousers with an Airtex-style jacket and pointed white heels

She teamed the top and trousers with an Airtex-style black jacket and pointed court shoes, with gold-rimmed sunglasses and jewellery.
Nicole completed her look by wearing her brunette hair in tumbling waves, and kept her make-up simple but flawless.
Her outing came as her boyfriend Lewis denied claims he and Nicole are engaged after proposing for a third time.
Smiles all round: Nicole looked in good spirits and beamed for photographers as she headed into an office building in the capital for a meeting
Smiles all round: Nicole looked in good spirits and beamed for photographers as she headed into an office building in the capital for a meeting
Shady lady: Nicole completed her look with gold-rimmed aviator sunglasses and gold jewellery
Shady lady: Nicole completed her look with gold-rimmed aviator sunglasses and gold jewellery
Shady lady: Nicole completed her look with gold-rimmed aviator sunglasses and gold jewellery
The speculation continues: Nicole has been at the centre of rumours of an engagement to Lewis Hamilton all weekend
The speculation continues: Nicole has been at the centre of rumours of an engagement to Lewis Hamilton all weekend

Former child actor Malcolm David Kelley surprises fans at tenth anniversary celebration of Lost

He was once known for his teenage portrayal of Walt Lloyd in Lost.
But American actor Malcolm David Kelley surprised fans when he appeared at the show's ten-year anniversary party at the Paley Centre in Los Angeles, California on Sunday.
Sharp-suited and mature, the 21 year-old actor looked a million miles away from his former on-screen self.
Actor Malcolm David Kelley appears onstage at The Paley Center Media's PaleyFest 2014 Honoring Lost 10th Anniversary
Actor Malcolm David Kelley appears onstage at The Paley Center Media's PaleyFest 2014 Honoring Lost 10th Anniversary

Wearing a metallic black ensemble, the successful actor looked cool and urban as he wore cumbersome walking boots with baggy jeans and an open shirt.
Sporting a closely-shaved haircut and a stud earring in his right ear, the Bellflower-born star appeared confident and composed as he joined his cast-members and former producers on stage.
Together, they discussed the show's award-winning formulas and their own experiences of the drama, which he worked on from 2004-2010.

Looking good: The actor shocked fans who witnessed his maturation from being character Walt Lloyd
Looking good: The actor shocked fans who witnessed his maturation from being character Walt Lloyd


Unsurprisingly, social networking site Twitter was inundated with messages from fans of the acclaimed series - and offered particular praise to Kelley.
One wrote: ' your the man. Thank you for the photo. Hope to see your future endeavors! Stay killin it.'

‘I woke up like this’: Beyoncé looks Flawless as she arrives at airport in full stage make-up with baby Blue and Jay Z

She might be a working mother, but that doesn’t stop Beyoncé looking downright flawless to catch a flight.
The 32-year-old arrived at Cologne airport, Germany, on Sunday evening in full stage make-up  with not a hair out of place.
She wasn’t alone, as her doting husband Jay Z, 44, followed her through the departures lounge carrying the couple’s two-year-old daughter Blue.
Flawless: Beyoncé arrived at Cologne airport in her stage make-up after performing in the city on Sunday
Flawless: Beyoncé arrived at Cologne airport in her stage make-up after performing in the city on Sunday

The singer had performed at the Lanxess arena in Germany’s fourth largest city – her only German concert as part of the impressive Mrs. Carter world tour.
 
Despite their A-list status, the trio were still subject to the standard security checks and dutifully walked through the scanners.
Beyoncé’s long blonde hair looked thick and tussled, and it was clear to see she was still wearing her on-stage eye shadow.
Doting father: Jay Z carried baby Blue through the airport
Doting father: Jay Z carried baby Blue through the airport


Mother-daughter time: Bey cooed over her two-year-old daughter as they left the bustling room
Mother-daughter time: Bey cooed over her two-year-old daughter as they left the bustling room

Sule Alao Malaika & Sikiratu Sindodo Admit Dating At Last

Fuji act Alao Malaika and actress Sikiratu Sindodo have both admitted they are in a relationship. Though they have both denied the relationship at different times, the actress in a recent interview for the first time admitted and said yes, they are dating. The fuji act, last week also admitted in another interview. It will be recalled that the actress, was in a serious relationship with NURTW State Treasurer, MC Oluomo who was very close to the fuji act.
Some people even alleged that, Alao Malaika was a major reason the two love birds broke up. A source said when MC confronted Malaika about the relationship, he bluntly denied it.

While their love was ‘hot and steamy’ MC bought the actress a Murano which he customized as MC Baby and she was also on a monthly salary.
                     

Malaika already has two wives and he says he is not ruling out marriage with the actress, but for now they are only dating.

Drake & Rihanna WE'RE EXCLUSIVE We Found Love In a Hopeless Place


Rihanna's locking it down -- she and Drake are officially exclusive.Multiple sources extremely close to the couple tell us, Rihanna and Drake have gone from casually hooking up to seriously dating ... they've decided to give it a serious shot.We're told Rihanna wants to spend as much time with Drake as her schedule will allow -- because he treats her better than anyone she's ever been with. Not a high bar.As we reported, the pair have been virtually inseparable while Drake's been touring in Europe -- we're told Rihanna has spent every single night with him since she arrived.As for Drake, he's smitten -- one source said "he's in the best mood he's been in a long time."

Fantasia & Brandy Ex-Publicist Claims Sony Fired Me 'Cause I'm Black


Fantasia and Brandy have been caught in the middle of a racial war ... ignited by their former publicist who claims their music studio hates black people and that's why he lost his job.Courtney Barnes -- a well-known publicist -- was hired by Fantasia a year ago, but fired days later.  Barnes claims in his lawsuit her manager told him a V.P. at Sony hated him and wanted him gone.Barnes claims he was told the V.P. came on so strong ... he threatened to screw Fantasia over if she didn't drop Barnes.Now here's what Barnes says is the smoking gun.  He claims in the lawsuit the Sony V.P. -- Sarah Dennison -- formed her opinion about Barnes based on hearsay that he had a reputation for "shady business practices."Barnes insists in his lawsuit ... "shady business practices" is code for racism.  He also claims the only interaction he ever had with her was a handshake on one occasion.  So he says if she didn't know him, how could she form her opinion?Barnes says the firing ruined his career, claiming it impacted Brandy's decision not to work with him ... based on Dennison trashing him to the singer.Barnes is now suing Dennison and Sony Music for ruining his reputation and stressing him out.  He claims he would have made $250K  had he not been fired.Sony says the whole thing is baseless.

So Sad! Immigration Recruitment: Pregnant Woman, Three Others Die In Port Harcourt

Sunday, March 16, 2014

According to Premium Times, hospital authorities at the Rivers government-owned Braithwaite Memorial Hospital in Port Harcourt have confirmed that four candidates died during a stampede at the Nigeria Immigration Service recruitment which took place at the Liberation Stadium this morning.
A source at the hospital said, 12 people were brought in, but a pregnant woman and three others were confirmed dead and another four are still unconscious, while the other remaining four have been discharged. According to NAN, about 20,000 job seekers were present at the stadium.

It will be recalled that at least seven people also died in Abuja this morning and several others injured in the same exercise. In Benin, The Nation Newspaper reports that three women died in another stampede and 20 others are currently receiving treatments. See a photo of the Port Harcourt incident after the cut. Viewer discretion is advised.

Designer gowns: Elie Saab, Roberto Cavalli and Valentin Yudashkin

Baroque and Roll: Fashion houses go back to their roots

Style alert: Lace

Miley Cyrus -- Beatles Fans ... Prepare to Be Offended


Picture yourself on a boat on a river ... listening to Miley Cyrus cover one of the most legendary songs of all time -- and try to not cringe. Flaming Lips lead singer Wayne Coyne released a disturbing pic Saturday night of he and Miley in the studio recording their own take on the  Beatles'  "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds."He also snapped a shot of he and Miley getting "high as f**" this weekend before a recording sesh.The girl with kaleidescope red eyes.
 

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